Epic Fail – Conclusion

“What’s the note say?” Alice asked, not having the chance to snatch it from my hand.

“Amber’s mad at me.” I replied nonchalantly, “Pack your stuff, we gotta get going.”

Alice gathered her things while I gathered mine and we were walking out the door in under five minutes. I helped her into the car and as I shut the door, let her know to lock it so I could return the key to the front desk. I know… seems kind of unneccessary, but I’m also one of those people who used to return the shopping carts to the corral.

I wasn’t too surprised to find that the Carl guy wasn’t laying on the floor dead anymore. I don’t know exactly what happened to him after he dropped dead, but I had a pretty good clue as to where he could be found. Then I was reminded of Amber.

I set the key on the desk and sprinted out the door. Unlocking the driver’s side, I jumped in and peeled out. Just as I pulled out of the driveway, a canary-yellow, Ford LTD slammed into the rear of the Thunderbird. I instantly stopped. It was Amber! WTF?

She got out of the LTD and looked at me with a nasty grin of satisfaction. Hands on her hips, she waited for me to say something.

“What?” I finally said.

“You really are an asshole.”

“If you say so…” I wasn’t going to argue. It was her opinion, she was entitled to it, I suppose. “I guess I won’t tell you about the other survivors we found then, or their zombie-eating dog.” That diffused the whole situation right there. We left the LTD and she joined Alice and me in the Thunderbird.

I informed her on everything about the Nathan, Penny and Bella. She listened, somewhat amazed by some of it, but moreover, amused. I could tell by her overall nonchalant attitude towards me that she was still angry. So what.

I tried explaining that we left her so she could catch up on her sleep. That didn’t matter. She wanted to be angry, so I wasn’t going to try to change that for her. If she wanted to stew in the emotion, so be it.

I hadn’t forgotten about the other cities. Nathan had been quite resourceful with maps to the only two cities that used Nuclear power out of the 13 I had left. Talk about happy! You bet I was. Of course, two of the towns near St. Regis borrowed off that city’s power and three dinky little towns that surrounded Phillipsburg did the same. The rest of the towns were using hydro, except for this spec on the map called Tomb. Tomb consisted basically of one street and maybe twenty houses. It was completely isolated and as we drove thru it, I noticed every building had a huge propane tank attached to it somewhere. The largest building was at the end of the road: Tomb Propane and Accessories. There was a payphone next to a telephone pole and a few more poles and then nothing. I’m not an electrician, but somehow, that didn’t seem right.

It was another full day before we had finished our incidental quest. We returned home to Parish. I was reminded of the information I had stumbled upon at the first city hall as we passed by some of the glowing flowers. One always knows when one is entering Parish at night by the way the vegetation glows… And instead of going home, Amber, who was driving, decided to go to Bryan’s.

“What are you doing?” I asked with apparent irritation.

“I’m going to get some things from the house.”


“Because I want to.” She returned the irritation.

“I’d like to go home first. Alice is tired and so am I.” When I looked back, Alice was asleep.

Amber seemed to ignore me at first, then at the last moment, made a u-turn to go back towards my house.

We really weren’t getting along, I could tell, so I withdrew from her and when we arrived, I carried Alice and my gun into the house, not bothering to wait for Amber. I didn’t go out of my way to ignore her, but because I really didn’t have anything to say, I pretty much did. After removing Alice’s shoes and covering her with the blanket on her bed, I shut off the light and went to my computer. I wrote for a bit and went to bed in silence. The next morning I awoke and for the most part, Amber and I were amicable to each other, but still not really talking much.

When the evening rolled around, I suggested going to Bryan’s house since she hadn’t left to do so all day. All three of us went and not five minutes after we had arrived, Amber declared to Bryan boldly: “I’m fucking this asshole!” Of course she meant me.

I braced myself, expecting him to lash out in anger and punch me good, but he didn’t. Nope… He cried… ALL DAMN NIGHT.

I felt bad for him. I wanted to strangle her and put him out of his misery, then take Alice and go home to my peace and quiet. But I didn’t. I stayed. Alice passed out in the spare bedroom and I listened to them both ALL DAMN NIGHT.

Crazy people.

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Mormon Chronicals 1

Penny and Nathan Williams arrived today, Bella in tow.

They followed my directions and drove up in a Mac Truck.

I’ll have to get back to you on them later.

– The Parish Survivor

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Epic Fail – Part 4

Sister Penny was a robust woman with shoulder-length dark hair and chubby cheeks. She wore what I would consider to be a Hawaiian Moo-Moo, also known as a sundress, and no stockings, just black penny loafers. Her skin wasn’t dark but she spoke Spanish very fluently.

Brother Nathan joined her at the door, peering from behind her frame a good foot above her head. He was very fair complected unlike his sister and sporting a full beard and mustache that accentuated the shaggy blonde hair of his head. Both had the same eyes, green like an Evergreen. He wore a t-shirt with a cross on the chest and a pair of sporty, red shorts with sandals. He reminded me a little of Bryan.

“Hello?” I said finally.

“Well, hello!” Sister Penny returned cheerfully.

Alice rustled in the Joshua tree behind me causing me to remember I needed to get her down. I grabbed her as she jumped fearlessly into my arms and swung her feet down to touch the pavement of the courtyard. She gasped as she landed and turned immediately to face the siblings in the doorway to the church.

“Hello,” she said, then without hesitation, “we saw you on t.v.”

“You did? Well bless your soul! I’m so glad. We thought we might truly be alone. Please, come inside.” Sister Penny motioned for us to come forward and we followed her in. The dog, Bella, had returned to the bushes out of sight, I noticed as I looked around on my way in.

They walked us through the church kitchen. It wasn’t very big like you would see in some churches, but there was a table and all the appliances necessary to prepare and store food.

“Please, sit here,” Sister Penny motioned towards the table, “are you hungry or thirsty,” she asked Alice, then looked to me.

“Yes,” said Alice, “I’m thirsty.”

“No,” I answered just after her, “I’m good.”

“Okay, then, let me see what I have in the fridge for you,” Sister Penny began digging in their refrigerator as Brother Nathan remained standing quietly off to the side. He watched Alice and I for a moment before he spoke.

“Where are you from?” He asked me.

“Parish. Ever heard of it?”

“Yep.” He shook his head slowly and the look on his face was suddenly sad. He disappeared then and we didn’t see him for most of the visit that followed.

Sister Penny found some apple juice for Alice and poured her a large cup before joining us at the table.

“How is it that the dog… Bella? Isn’t one of those Undead creatures?”

“Sodium Iodide treatments daily and a whole lot of praying to the Lord.”

I listened with fascination while Alice sipped at her Apple juice and distracted herself with a children’s book of Mormon Sister Penny had slipped to her with the juice.

She continued without prompting, “Bella has been my dog for 10 years, she came to me from a hispanic couple that moved and couldn’t take her with them. I had to learn Spanish to communicate effectively with her so you can just imagine how attached I’ve become.”

I nodded, ironically relating the dog to Alice.

“My brother and I are part of the Dixie LDS church, and on the side, he liked to dabble with cameras and video, so once we came out of hiding, we decided to broadcast from here in hopes of reaching other survivors like ourselves.”

“Where did you hide?” I interjected.

“Well, that’s a testament to God and Jesus right there… Because let me tell you something, there wasn’t any warnings on the news…” She sighed and wiped at her eyes which had suddenly teared up.

“Nathan had recently been abandoned by his wife and three kids and so he was staying with me. He’d been staying with me for the three months prior to all this and we were outside working in the yard when a quiet voice told me to go to the bomb shelter. Now mind you, I’d only gotten that shelter 3 weeks before all this, not because I feared bombs, but so I’d have a place to store all of my canned goods and dry goods! I had a garden and I like to can and know how to dry and package and all that…” She smiled weakly, slowly shaking her head and looked heavenward for a moment before continuing on. Alice burped and excused herself without a pause in her reading.

“So I called to Nathan, who was in the front of the house pulling weeds out of the bean garden, and told him that the Holy Ghost said we needed to go down into the shelter right then. At first, he wasn’t sure about that, but since he generally will do as I ask if it’s reasonable, he humored me and we called Bella to join us.” She paused to remember.

“I asked him to seal us in as I readied the lamps and candles. Everything else we needed was there because that same voice had told me to put it all there the first day after the men came and put the shelter into the ground for me. I had plenty of ‘canned heat’ to cook with, a can opener for the store-bought cans, water, food, blankets, clothes for both of us, baby-wipes for cleansing, the list goes on. Dog Food… And I had spared no expense, as instructed by the Holy Ghost, so that there was a proper ventilation system installed and bathroom facility. My entire life savings of about 75,000 dollars…”

Uncontrollably, I gasped at this.

“Just three minutes after we were completely locked in, we heard something and the same voice told me we should not open the door and we should not look to see what it was. Nathan didn’t like that at all. In fact, he was quite squirrelly at first and was going to open it anyway until the voice spoke to him too. We knew then. We were given a gift to see it all for just a brief period of time and we spent the next few days talking about it and speculating on the status of all that we knew.”

I couldn’t hardly believe what I was hearing, but I remembered the story of Noah and his Ark and reminded myself that stranger things have happened and still are.

“Do you have any cookies?” Alice interrupted.

Sister Penny hopped to her feet to grab the nearby cookie jar, setting it down with a big smile, she asked, “would you like some milk too?”

“You have milk?” I asked astonished.

“It’s powdered,” she explained. I felt a little disappointed in that. I’d never been fond of powdered milk, but it made sense, real milk was definitely a thing of the past. Alice didn’t seem to mind and nodded with enthusiasm.

“How long did you and your brother stay locked up?” I asked as she made a pitcher of the milk.

“3 months.”


“Yeah,” she said and poured some milk into a clean cup for Alice who busily began dunking homemade chocolate-chip cookies into it, “three months was all we could stand before the curiosity and the smell got to us.”

My left eyebrow raised quizzically, “The smell?” I questioned.

“Well, Bella couldn’t use the toilet and I guess neither the Holy Ghost nor myself thought about that one. Although I did have some cleaning supplies down there too, I suppose it was a timing thing really – to let us know when to come out. God has to have a sense of humor.” She chuckled.

I was a little jealous. Compared to what I had went through for my first three months, they’d had a cake-walk. I was contemplative as we sat in silence.

Brother Nathan rejoined us shortly after. He had been broadcasting while we sat talking. He found himself a small bottle of water from inside the fridge and leaned against the counter to open and drink it. After a moment, he spoke with a melancholy tone, “Parish, huh?”

“Yep,” I said. Alice, startled, looked up at him, then smiled before returning to her cookies and milk and book. I noticed him smile back at her, briefly, sadly, then return to a state of sudden rigidness.

“My wife and kids went to Parish, last I heard.” He stared coldly at me then. Waiting, but for what, I didn’t know.

Growing nervous, I stuttered, “There are some survivors in Parish that I know…” and quickly added, “none that sound like your wife and kids.” I paused, took a breath, and asked, “Do you and Sister Penny want to move base?”

I know that sounded kind of silly, but that’s what they had set up at the Dixie LDS, and they’d only done that so as to meet more survivors. It made sense, especially since Nathan could possibly have estranged family that might have survived there. Somewhere. I didn’t really think so, but what the hell. It’s possible, right?

“You mean move to Parish?” Penny clarified. Nathan looked at her, then me, serious consideration was obviously turning the wheels in his mind. Penny waited for him to answer me, clearly decided already herself that she wanted to by the hopeful look on her face. After a moment, Nathan nodded.

“We should pack up all our food,” Penny declared to Nathan, “as much as the truck will carry.” I didn’t notice a truck, but I guess they had one somewhere that I hadn’t seen.

I remembered Amber suddenly. “Uh, I forgot, I have someone back at our motel room, can you two meet us at the Motel 7 when your finished packing?”

The siblings looked at each other and for a moment, I thought they were going to accuse me of dodging out on them – which would have been ludicrous – but I guess they knew that too because Brother Nathan asked instead, “How many survivors are there?”

“6 that I knew of before you, including myself. Two of them are online and I’ve only heard from them a couple of times.” I smiled and gathered myself up out of the chair, encouraging Alice to finish eating and put the book away.

“No, no, she can take it with her,” Sister Penny insisted. This pleased Alice and she playfully stuck her tongue out at me for my original instruction towards her. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Nathan snickering momentarily before regaining his composure. Alright, this can work, told myself and Alice and I left the siblings to pack their things. We returned to the Motel 7 ten minutes later to find our room empty and a note on the bed.

It read: “Found a car and went back to Parish. You’re an ASSHOLE!”

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Amber and Bryan

Just an update and some history… I feel it’s necessary to insert this information at this point so that anyone who might be reading this can get an idea of why the Epic Fail Posts are going to be drug out into more pieces than what I probably could have written.

For the last few days, Amber and I keep taking trips over to Bryan’s place to check up on him. She claims he’s unstable, I believe that. She claims she doesn’t love him still. I don’t believe that. Honestly, I don’t care if she does. He’s alright, even if he’s a fruit. I’m not so sure I like her living with me, it’s somehow disquieting. She seems to love me. But I am not so dumb as to believe she doesn’t have feelings for Bryan, nor am I naive enough to believe that they couldn’t work it out. Here’s the part that has caused me to come to the decision not to care either way… I don’t love Amber. I like her and I suppose that’s a start, but I haven’t loved anyone since Mary Elise and she died ten years ago. Nor do I want to love anyone like that ever again.

So here’s the deal with Bryan, he’s a sheep farmer who happened to be in his fallout shelter, quite coincidentally. Amber had just left him the night before and claimed she was filing for divorce, so he went on a drinking binge. Now, because he had a fear of receiving a blemish his spotless criminal record, he decided to drink himself into oblivion in the one place where he figured he was the least likely to get into any trouble. This was almost nine months ago. He did black out and when he woke up, he decided to do it all over again. This happened about four times in a row until he ran out of alcohol. He’d started with 4 pints of Jack Daniels, 2 gallons of vodka, 3 liters of Bacardi, 30 of those mini bottles of assorted flavors, and 8 twenty-four packs of Coors Light. He’d also brought down some bottled water and various brands of soda, as well as porn magazines, a radio, a television, an Xbox 360 console and various games. No food.

Bryan revealed all this the first night after Amber confessed she was having sex with me. I thought he’d have wanted to fight like most men, but I should have known better, nothing about Bryan would indicate he’s a fighter. So he cried, and cried, and cried some more, and in between, he’d tell her to “Fuck off,” while trying to explain their history and how they came to be where they currently are. I just sat and listened as best as I could while drinking pots of coffee and smoking his ganja with him.

We had brought Alice with us to introduce her and luckily, that did happen first. She wound up passing out in a back bedroom after about 1 am when it became apparent we weren’t leaving any time soon.

Amber chimed in at various points of his ramblings to correct him or add missing parts.

She left him because he was already drinking and smoking more than she liked. She stayed at a friend’s house that night then went to the airport. She was flying on a plane to visit her mother when the bombs began to hit. The pilot’s last instructions were to: “Fly as long as you can and don’t get hit!”

After about 22 hours, a force landing took place at the safest place the pilot could think to land the 737, the Atlantic Ocean. With some preparation in mind, and working in conjunction with the flight attendants, the passengers readied any and everything they had that they thought might keep them afloat. This included various items both made for that sort of thing and provided by the airline on board the plane, as well as personal items such as plastic suitcases, surfboards, and floating rings.

When the plane finally went down, the pilot managed to skim it across the water and for a water landing, it had been surprisingly successful, until the engine caught on fire shortly after they began unloading everyone out of the emergency exit. Amber had been one of the first ones out and had already started swimming towards the coast, which was visible from the crash site. Out of only 27 passengers, 6 flight attendants, and 2 pilots, eight people managed to make it to shore. Half were trapped in the plane and burned up, the rest couldn’t swim the whole six miles even with their floatation devices. Amber was a strong swimmer and she took small breaks when she needed to. When she got to shore, she rested for many hours. As the other survivors made it to land and no help from the Coastguard came, she began to realize things weren’t right. Exploration of her location indicated she was in West Palm Beach, Florida and that something even more horrific than the plane crashing and burning had occurred. Buildings were demolished everywhere, there were no people except the grotesque, homicidal ones that wanted to eat anything of flesh and blood, including themselves.

After a few times of coming across these cannibals and hardly anyone else, she stole a black duelly truck and drove until she came across MacDill Airforce Base nearly four hours later. Military personnel had been affected by the blast that had occurred at Fort Meyers and so too were much like the men and women she’d avoided before. She did manage to come across an Oozie however… Exactly how, she didn’t say except that it had belonged to a man nicknamed Goliath.

Slowly, she made her way back to Parish, stopping along the way at her mother’s house in Tennessee and avoiding anyplace that looked damaged or polluted.

By the second day, she noticed something was terribly wrong with her teeth, they were loose and even though she brushed them, they still seemed to hurt and look dirty.

Her mother’s house was not completely destroyed, but her mother was one of those cannibal people and so she shot her first Undead that day and took some of her mother’s clothes, namely her boots and white cowboy hat, to remember her by.

Four days later, Bryan came out of his bomb shelter and found everything to be the same except for his sheep. When he went out to feed them, they tried to attack him and so he took it as a sign from God to change his evil ways, gave up drinking, but not pot, threw his clothes out the door but made a garment out of the burlap sacks the sheep feed came in. He changed everything around and even put out all of that religious decor his Aunt Janie kept buying as presents for him and Amber on every celebrated holiday.

Amber arrived home by the end of the week, took one look at what Bryan had done to himself and their house, and left again. She’d been wherever she wanted to go and did whatever she’d wanted to do for the last 8 months and two weeks, until she rescued me.

So… As I said, we keep going over to Bryan’s house and they keep talking and he keeps crying and at least I’m getting stoned out of the whole deal, right? Yeah…

I do feel sorry for him and I do enjoy having sex with her. I’m just going to let things happen as they will. There isn’t much else for me to do. Not that I want to do anyway.

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Epic Fail Part 3

“Mormons?’ I asked Alice. I turned my full attention to the broadcast to watch as a man and woman, I guessed to be about my age, were conversing in rocking chairs about the Undead and how it was all part of God’s Plan. They were holding a bible and the book of Mormon in their hands.

“This is live television…” I stated, noting the small word ‘LIVE’ in the bottom right corner of the screen.

“Hi,” said the woman on the t.v.,”if you are just joining us, my name is Sister Penny Williams and this is my brother-”

“Brother Nathan Williams,” added the man next to her.

She continued: “And we are survivors broadcasting live from the Dixie LDS. We were just talking about the effects of the nuclear blast that took out the city of Chester Hill and the abominations that have been left behind. These are the tribulations that we are faced with brothers and sisters. It’s not necessarily the end of the world, but the white and red horses are indeed among us as we are faced with the disease of this war. Not to fret… Famine has not reached us yet. We do have supplies.”

The Dixie LDS? Where is that?

“Amber,” I said and turned to look at her sleeping soundly behind me, feet still hanging over the edge of the bed. I looked at Alice. She looked at me, and as though she read my mind, asked, “Why can’t we just let her sleep and go check it out?”

I nodded and got up to grab the gun.

“Can I go in my p.j.’s?”

“Yeah… Did you see any paper and pens around the room? We should leave her a note at least. I think she’ll be safe, but we’ll leave the Oozie, just in case.”

“Yes, here.” Alice grabbed a small pad of note paper and a pen from beside her and handed it to me. There was an address written on it in child’s manuscript.

“What’s this?”

“Pen and paper.”

“No, I mean the address, did you write it?”

She smiled, “it’s the Dixie LDS address. I figured you’d want to go there.”

Smart kid. I smiled warmly back at her brilliance.

I wasted no time in writing the letter after tearing off the address to our destination. I left the pad next to Amber, grabbed the gun and car keys, and we left, locking the door securely behind us. Unlocking the passenger side for Alice, she hopped in and I closed the door for her, before climbing into the driver’s side she’d unlocked for me.

“Seatbelt,” I reminded her.

“We gonna go really fast?”


I didn’t know the town of Dixie but the streets were numbered, unlike Parish’s streets which all had names. It was pretty easy to navigate and we arrived at the LDS church which was located across town, in under ten minutes. The church was all white brick and the 5 four-pane windows that lined the front of the building had been boarded up from the inside. The huge oak front doors were firmly locked and we pounded on them and yelled.

There was no immediate answer so we went to the backside to look for another entrance.

“Gross!” Alice spat. She was commenting on the blood and entrails that was splattered across the back door. There was a trail of blood and flesh pieces that led to the garden just beyond the concrete courtyard we were standing on. As we approached we heard a throaty snarl. I put my hand out to stop Alice from continuing on towards the door. She looked quizzically up at me. “Did you hear that?” I said.


The snarl was louder this time. Alice nodded her head slowly, a frightened look on her face, she clung to the back of my shirt and hid behind me.

After what had happened just a few short hours earlier in room 4, I didn’t even flinch as I readied the shotgun for whatever came next. Another snarl came moments later, louder and more fierce. Alice shivered and whimpered. From behind us sounded another disturbing noise, a throaty growl. Alice jumped and I could feel her back pressed up against my thigh, her head pushing against my back, her small hand tugging unconsciously at my shirt, harder now. “What do you see,” I asked her, feeling a little more scared now but unable to take my eyes off the garden in front of us.

“I don’t know… I don’t see anything, but I hear it breathing.”

“Shhh, let me hear.” I listened, I could hear it too. Heavy puffs, gurgling with fluids, were coming closer. I wasn’t sure what to think or do right at that moment. I guess it just depended on the Undeads we were now challenged with facing. Some Undeads move slow, ones that as humans, were either really old, or had some physical or mental disability to begin with- I’m guessing at that last part because of Fred. I seriously think, by the looks of his facial features, that he had some Down’s Syndrome going on, and he was really slow. But the Undead that are fast, are always humans that were really young to middle age and showed no obvious signs of impairments other than what the radiation exposure had caused them. Well, radiation and whatever else the governments had unleashed upon the nation. I’m thoroughly convinced that there were some biological weapons detonated as well.

So I continued to be still and listen, as did Alice, and try to judge the rate of speed at which our attacker from the rear would advance. Luckily, there was only one behind us and as near as I could tell, one in front. I wondered where the Mormons were in all this. Did they even hear us pounding on the door? They had to have, it had to have echoed as hard as we pounded on that Oak, and that church being empty with only the two of them. They had to have heard!

The one behind us was jogging at a steady pace. The one in front began snarling louder but seemed to remain in position. I looked around for something to climb up onto, or at the very least, that would get Alice up and out of the way. The courtyard was approximately 50 feet by 100 and completely void of any walls or trees outside of the garden except for one juvenile Joshua tree to the right of us nearly forty feet away. Not big enough for both of us, but it would work for Alice. I didn’t know if it would cause the creature in the garden to attack but I was out of options. I turned swiftly and in one fell swoop grabbed up Alice under her arms and ran with her over my shoulder. The abrupt move caused her to break into tears and as I hoisted her up into the tree, she cried out to me, “NO, Daddy, NO!”

It barely registered what she had said and I only replied, “Climb honey, as far up as you can go, climb now!”

I turned just as the Undead that had been jogging towards us made his appearance around the corner. At the same time, the snarls in the garden turned to loud growls and the bush began to shake.

Back against the tree, I raised my gun and aimed for the visible zombie, once a young man who must have been jogging at the time he became undead as indicated by his now decrepit, purple jogging suit and headband. I pulled the trigger and nothing happened. Alice screamed.

Out of the bush, the biggest, most grotesque undead dog I’d seen yet, leaped. It had to have been some kind of Mastiff or St. Bernard, definitely not a Great Dane. In two bounds it was on top of the zombie jogger and tearing it’s throat out. I watched with horrific fascination for a moment before I remembered to reload my gun. In the tree, I could hear Alice whimpering but she had stopped crying. Gun loaded now, I locked in on the dog’s head but hesitated once again. That thing was huge! For a moment, I imagined myself in a scene from Cujo. The dog definitely reminded me of that one. As it finished with the jogger, I regained my focus and was about to shoot when the back door flung open and Sister Penny yelled, “Don’t shoot her!”

Huh? Was she kidding?

“Bella!” The heavy-set woman yelled at the dog. “Bella, no mas! Pero bien!”

Was she really speaking Spanish to the dog? Incredulously, I looked up at Alice who stared in disbelief at what she was witnessing. I looked back at Sister Penny and lowered my gun. The word, “How,” escaped my lips audibly enough for Sister Penny to reply.

She looked me straight in the eye and said, “God…”

Then she smiled and added, “And Potassium Iodide.”

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Reality Check!

I just had to post this…

It’s just a brief interruption from my Epic Fail series posts, but I have to say: Never let your “girlfriend” tell her husband (even if they’re separated) that she’s having sex with you! Duh. But I couldn’t stop her. She just went right in and told him last night and the fruit cried all night. We just got back home this morning.

I like Bryan, but come on. They haven’t been together in how long? Shit, I don’t really know, but Amber swears she can’t stand him. I can see how his fruity ways could get on a person’s nerves, nice guy nonetheless.

Now’s she’s moved in with me for sure and while it’s good for Alice, and convenient in many ways for me, I don’t think I was ready for this. . .


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Epic Fail… Part 2

We finished up in New Trenton and moved on.

It was well into the early morning when we reached the next town and even though I wanted to continue, Amber and Alice were down for the count. I’d been driving when we left New Trenton, I stopped at the Motel 7 in Dixie.

Dixie, unlike New Trenton, was a small town and the odds of Nuclear Power being their main source was unlikely, especially with the Patowah River nearby and the street lights still illuminating the roads. This helped me relax just a little. A large part of New Trenton had been a wasteland. It wasn’t exactly clear if it had reaped some of the repercussions of a nearby blast or if part of it had been demolished and was under reconstruction. The last two power plants, located in triangular position North West of the first, didn’t require any shut down, they were already out of commission.

“Wake up,” I said gently, “we’re stopping for a bit.”

The two girls yawned and stretched as I got out of the convertible and headed for the main office to find a key to one of the rooms. The entrance was unlocked and I paid no heed to the man sitting in the lobby until he moved. Very slowly, he reached up to remove the hood from his head, and I jumped, fixing the Mossberg on him.

“Hold it!” I commanded.

“Why? Whatcha gonna do? Shoot me?” He said evenly then let out a long string of giggles. He removed his hood anyway and I dropped my gun in utter shock.

“Kensey?” It couldn’t be.

“Who?” He said, looking up at me from his chair. The light from the passing road we’d pulled off of served to just barely outline his facial features. He reached for a nearby lamp and switched it on.

I was disappointed and relieved. For a minute, I thought I was hallucinating and half sorry that I wasn’t. The man was older and a little heavier than Kensey, but many of his features were the same, especially in the dark.

“My name’s Carl, you want a room?”

He caught me by surprise. “Uh, yeah… I don’t have any money, though, I kinda thought we- I mean, the world, was done with that after the apocalypse.”

“Huh? Whatcha talkin’ about?” He said, and cocked an inquisitive, yet suspicious, eyebrow at me. Was he serious? Or just crazy? I watched him move from his chair to behind the counter and thumb through some papers on his desk. After a moment he stopped to stare at me, finally registering what I’d said.

“No money, eh?” He grunted, “Well, we don’t run things around here for free. What else you got?” He waited for my reply, continuing to stare intently into my shocked face. Didn’t he realize I could just shoot him and take the key? Who’d stop me? Didn’t he know that he was alone? That no help would come? That he was even lucky to have made it this long without some Undead thing eating him? WTF? The ludicrousness of his statement really got to me. The pressure of it all, really got to me. Seeing his silhouette and for a minute, believing that my best friend was still alive, really got to me…

“Look,” I started calmly, “I don’t have anything to give you, nor am I going to give you anything I do have. First, because I don’t have to, and second, because you’re lucky you’re still alive! I could fucking kill you now and no one would know a damn difference. There’s no world out there, it’s gone! I don’t know where you’ve been, but I’ve been fighting off the leftovers from what’s happened and so…” I took a deep breath and enhanced my calm before continuing with my rant, “I’ll take a room, for FREE, and in exchange, I’ll let you keep what you have – your life!”

He didn’t even blink.

I glared my most fierce ‘I mean business’ glare, waiting for some kind of response. Nothing. “-Did you hear me, mister?”

He was standing behind the counter, completely still, then without warning, fell backwards like a lamp that had been tipped over. I was taken aback by this and rushed around the desk to check if he was okay. He was dead.

I actually felt bad. I’ve heard of people dropping dead unexpectedly, I just never thought I’d experience it first-hand, especially after yelling and threatening the man with his own death. At best, it seemed like a bad omen. But I don’t really believe in those, so I guess I will say that it was my lousy timing… Nonetheless, I grabbed the keys to room number 3 and 4.

It was probably close to 4 AM and I knew we’d only get a few hours of sleep before we started back up on our mission, but I was feeling a bit ‘frisky’ and thought I’d be smart about it by getting a second room. We wouldn’t stay in there all night, just long enough to do the deed then back into room 3 to sleep. Alice could take her bath and get ready to go to sleep, meanwhile, Amber and I could be ‘checking the place for Undead’… It was my plan.

“Come on, I got the key.” The girls grabbed some clothes and amenities while I got the top up on the Thunderbird and shouldered the guns. Alice unlocked the door for us and happily, there was nothing dead inside and it had remained clean. They dumped their stuff on one of the double beds. I set the guns beside the other.

“Alice, why don’t you go take a bath and get ready for bed?” I suggested. When she nodded and turned to grab her night-clothes, I sneaked a grab at Amber’s ass. She jumped and giggled at herself. I giggled too.

“What’s so funny?” Alice snapped and whipped around to see why we laughed. It was late and she was cranky. I giggled again. Defensively, she responded, “What?”

Amber stepped in, “Nothing honey, go take a bath. It’s late and we’re all a bit silly.”

“Yeah,” I added, “We’re going to go check the area for Undead while you do that. I’m taking the key and locking the door, so don’t open it.”

“Fine,” she mumbled and continued on into the bathroom, shutting the door. As soon as we heard the water running, we were out the room door, locking it behind us.


“What,” Amber asked.

“I forgot a gun. What if-”

“Don’t worry about it. I haven’t seen any undead since we left New Trenton and Alice isn’t going to play with them. She’s definitely not stupid.” She had a point.

I showed her the key to room 4 and she smiled a very wide and mischievous smile before grabbing me by my shirt collar and planting a deep, wet kiss on my lips. Hmmm. Deep, wet, lips… All very nice words. Kiss is okay too, there were a few things I could think of that I wanted to kiss, and lick, and…

We headed straight for the shower in room 4. Amber started the water while I undressed her, then she undressed me and we hopped in just as the shower water turned warm enough. She kissed my neck and reactively my hand moved between her thighs. I’d gotten past the teeth thing after seeing her brush them regularly and returned her kisses to her lips. Slowly, sensually, I worked my way down, tasting her wet skin…

SLAM! Went the bathroom door against the wall and down came the shower curtain as something stinking of death fell upon us. Reactively, I scrambled to get a foothold against the tub while pushing the heavy intruder off of us. The curtain concealed the Undead creature’s identity as I used it as a shield against its attack. Amber, recovering from the shock, began fighting as well and we managed to reverse its advance and knock it to the floor. She jumped out of the tub and stomped on its torso, I followed, pushing her out of the bathroom so I could stomp on it some more. She disappeared, naked and wet while I continued to jump on it and just about the time it had stopped moving, she returned, still naked and wet, but packing. I grabbed the shotgun from her, stepping back, and fired once into the creature’s head. It exploded. We looked at each other, both naked, and laughed.

“What’d you do? Grab the keys but no clothes?” I said, still out of breath.


“What’d Alice say when you came in all naked and wet to grab a gun?”

“She’s still in the tub.”

“You don’t think she fell asleep do you?”

“No. I didn’t check, but I heard water splashing around.”

“Did you lock the door behind you when you left?”


I traded the gun for the woman and tossed her on the bed. We picked up where we left off and when we’d finished, we dressed and locked the door behind us. Alice was sitting on her bed watching television when we returned to our room. I replaced the gun on the side of the bed and fell onto it. Amber sat down next to me.

“Well?” Alice said.

“What?” I groaned.

“Did you see anything?”

I twisted my head to look at Amber who was looking at me. Simultaneously we both answered Alice, “NOPE.”

A few moments passed in silence before I realized that Alice was actually watching something on t.v., something local, something live. I snapped to attention.

“What the hell are you watching?”

“Some girl and some guy. They keep talking about the zombies and say that they are Mormons.”

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